I'm realizing that I'm well past the half-way point of my life. When I look at the trajectory of my choices and decisions over these many years, which have brought me to where I am now, I have a nagging sense that I should have done more or learned more, or maybe even grown up into a real adult by now. You know, a person that keeps up with Bible study, does the housework, can find school papers, remembers appointments, all that big girl stuff. I struggle so often between allowing God to continue to work in any and all areas of my life that need His refining, versus falling back on the old, "that's just the way I am" excuse, even though I find that hard to accept, especially from believers. There's more that I could be doing, I'm sure - and I'm seeking His direction on what changes are needed for me to live more fully in His will.
- My dad has rarely complained except when in terrible pain; he's been more interested in chatting with doctors and health care workers, and with representing Jesus Christ well to everyone he encounters.
- Whenever we've talked about his plans for the end, which we have on several occasions and in great detail, he has reminded us that he has had a terrific life and has no regrets. He's sad to leave Mom and the rest of his friends and family, of course, but he knows where he's headed and knows that he's going to be in the presence of His Lord. It's a pretty awesome way to be able to look at your life.
So, while I'm deeply saddened to be losing my dad, and the only grandpa the girls have known, I'm grateful to have had these last months to visit Dad and Mom more often, to say those things that we should say to our loved ones more often, and to know that I'll see him again in our real Home. And I'm inspired by his example to pray more, read the Word more consistently, and be more intentional with this amazing life God's given me, for however long it lasts. As Calvin wisely suggests, now that I'm an old geezer, I'd better crank it up.